Can You Ever Really "Delete" Someone from Your Life?

Last week I attended Love 2.0, hosted by Zoosk, featuring a panel of experts discussing online dating. This discussion went beyond basic dating sites and touched on texting, calling via cell, Facebook, etc., and I'll go over some of the points in upcoming posts.

Love 2.0 did get me thinking: These days, you must "delete" someone from your life if you want to get them out of your life.

In middle school, I had a crush on a girl in the grade ahead of me named Julia. I got as far as calling her every night, which was a big deal back then. I got tired of looking up her number so I wrote it in silver crayon on my bedroom's land-line phone.

Back then, had I decided to "delete" Julia from my life, scratching that crayon off my phone would have been half the battle.

In the old days, it was as simple as "washing that man right out of your hair." We didn't have infinite contact points to reach that person afterward. Here are "traditional" items to purge after a breakup:

-Pictures
-Letters
-Ticket stubs, programs, and other mementos
-Cards
-Clothing and other items they left behind

For added effect, you can burn these items or throw them out the window.

Facebook is a killer when it comes to getting someone out of your life. Let's say you unfriend your ex, but remain friends with some of your ex's friends on Facebook. You still might have access to pictures of the ex or your ex's information.

Then there was my friend who had an emotional falling out with a guy because he was seeing another girl. A few days later she noticed his Facebook status gushing with mushy language about how he couldn't wait to see the other girl. The other girl "Liked" that status, angering my friend and prompting her to unfriend the guy.

Email has the vicious contact list and autofill that pops in an email address when you innocently type the first letter of their name.

Do you block a buddy on a messenger, risking a moment of weakness where you unblock them and communicate again? Or is it best to completely delete that name from your buddy list?

The steps to do a "2.0 Delete" don't require as much energy as the traditional delete, but it's not as easy as a traditional delete:

-Delete all old emails and get rid of their email address (clear it from the "autofill" in your email)
-Delete their number out of your phone
-Unfriend them on all social networking sites
-Block/Delete them on your messengers

Problem is, some people just don't like to delete contacts. I keep all numbers, whether it's a girl I just met or the girl I dated for five years. Maybe I think each number is a little victory, or I'm too sentimental, or perhaps I think if I stare at the number long enough, the girl will magically call me.

I use Facebook as a "positive marketing tool" for girls I should be deleting. I post "fun" things I'm doing, get into pictures with lots of great people, and hope that the girl notices my page and says, "Wow, he's really getting along great without me."

Online elements document your relationship in writing. So, you must clear out all this documentation: old messenger conversations, wall posts, emails, texts, etc. It's like an infestation, or that Whac-a-mole game. Everywhere you look, there's something else to delete.

Sadly, my phone turns into a weapon when I'm wasted. Select members from the unsuspecting populace of my contact list receive offensive messages: horrible singing prank calls, weird poetic phrases (that I think are so deep at the time), "u out?" booty calls, "thinking about you" rekindling texts.

When I'm drunk, alone, I think all my ideas are good, and I go rummaging for contacts in my phone and Facebook.

Protect yourself by having a friend shadow you or even hold your phone. The other night I announced, with drunk confidence, my grand plan to text a girl (who has a boyfriend) so she could meet up with us. My buddy played the role of disappointed parent, telling me "never to talk to that girl again."

In this day and age, we are too connected. Can we ever completely delete a person? It's no longer as simple as scraping crayon off the phone.

How do you delete people from your life? Are you also reluctant to delete contacts? How has the changing media/communication landscape affected the aftermath of your relationships? Do you find it hard to get away from exes with all the modes of communication out there?

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How to Keep Your Relationship Fun and Fresh

Remember that famous scene from the movie When a Man Loves a Woman where Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia are in a bar, and Meg seduces him right there and then. Other people at the bar are completely stunned. This couple obviously enjoys spontaneity, adventure, and displaying open affection. Would you and your mate do something like this?

Any relationship can last for years as long as the couple keeps open communication between each other, not be afraid to try something different, and simply enjoy life! Couples that have been together ten, twenty, or thirty years must have some secret. What could it be?

How about doing something completely out of the ordinary? Try water skiing, mountain climbing, or sky diving. Whoa! Now those are different activities to share with your partner. Okay, perhaps these are too adventurous. How about trying something new, in regards to your sex life? Oral/anal sex, bondage, or taking turns being the initiator/aggressor are other possibilities. Watch X-rated movies together or live one another’s sexual fantasies. What about doing something where the two of you are intimate (but with clothes on)? Couples could take dancing lessons (ballroom, salsa, country, etc.). Or, if you are both intellects, join a book club or create one at your local library or bookstore.

Keeping the love strong can be difficult for both partners, especially in this busy 24/7 world we live in. But following the same daily routine can only lead to distance and disaster. Relationships end, children are hurt because parents divorce, and a simple, complacent life appears. Nobody wants that.

Traditional ways of keeping the love alive can also be fun, especially if it’s something the two of you have not engaged in, in a long time. For instance, have a picnic at a park or at the beach, go on a roller coaster ride, or socialize with other couples by having a BBQ. For couples to keep the love alive, each partner has to be a willing participant.

Why is it on Valentine’s Day, couples go all out by surprising each other with special gifts or sudden displays of affection? Usually, it’s the woman who values this day more than the man. Loving couples should consider every day as Valentine’s Day. Take a long bubble bath together, give each other a long, sensual massage, or a take a moonlit walk along the beach. If children are part of your lives, wait until they fall asleep, and then have a candlelight dinner, play some soft, slow music, and relish being in each other’s arms.

Simple little reminders of love can also maintain a relationship. Write a short message on a sticky note and leave it on the bathroom mirror, telling your mate you love him/her. Also, ladies send your man a love letter, either through email or postal. Men, write your special lady a love poem (use the Internet if you have no poetic abilities). Together, cook a new dish together in the kitchen to eat, and then cook together, by having each other (hey, everyone loves dessert)!

When was the last time you had sex right then and there, no matter where you were? Remember your first year of dating when spontaneous sex was intense and fun, especially if caught? You would both go at each other like animals in heat—in the office, in an elevator, in a hot tub, in the car, or anywhere the urge hit you. Being sporadic creates an exhilarating moment!

Affection is the key to a long-lasting relationship. Understanding that new activities, no matter how adventurous or crazy it may sound, can also make love last. And finally, be spontaneous; go ahead and do whatever tickles your fancy!

Making Fabulous First Impression

In you stroll, looking hot in that new dress or skirt with the Manolo's or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good -- after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know others can see it too. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt. You are feeling good, you are feeling successful and you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.

This is not to say that we need to spend a King's ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever. But when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, it's important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too. Good style means a good level of confidence.

Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn't wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style. Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don't choose to go in them is not the point. Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.

While our female readership doesn't need a lecture in self presentation generally, our male readership often does. The first thing for men to remember is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc. All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can't dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her?

But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store. Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don't mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out. Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!

Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn't need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. The bad news is most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn't happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea. Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.

Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are. While there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost. A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.

Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch. This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.

You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers. Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style. Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.

I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.

Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.

Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. Take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.

Relationship Expectations - Are Your Relationship Expectations Realistic?

When looking for Mrs. or Mr. Right, we all have a fantasy ideal in mind: tall, dark and handsome, a movie star body with a Pulitzer Prize winner’s brain or another variation that suits you perfectly.

There’s nothing wrong with these kinds of pedestals, either. Fantasizing about your dream mate will only help you to discover more of what you want and need in a relationship. But where do you draw the line between fantasy and reality? When do you know your relationship expectations aren’t realistic?

Your relationship expectations may be unreasonable if…

• You have specific requirements regarding your potential mate’s height, weight, and/or appearance that aren’t negotiable under any circumstances;
• You refuse to date anyone unless they make a certain amount of money;
• You won’t date someone who lives further than a quick drive away;
• Anyone without similar interests as you is out of the question; and/or
• You require a person to trust you and open up to you immediately.

Your relationship expectations are probably reasonable if…

• A spark of some sorts is required, whether it’s mental, physical or emotional;
• You want someone who finds you amusing, adorable, and/or exciting;
• You are holding out for someone whose basic views on the world are similar, but not necessarily identical to yours; and/or
• Someone with the same willingness to be in a relationship and with similar long-term dating goals, whether that’s for casual dating, cohabitation or a committed marriage.

So what are you to do if you don't know what your expectations for a relationship are - or worse - some of your expectations fall into the no-no category?

Brainstorming Your Relationship Expectations

Take a moment and brainstorm on paper for a little bit; ten or fifteen minutes should do the trick nicely. Close your eyes and picture your ideal mate: what talents, qualities, personality traits, experiences and emotional capabilities do you want him or her to have? Don't censor yourself, and let your mind wander to wherever it goes. If you're having a hard time coming up with some ideas, think about your past relationships and use their positive aspects as your starting guide.

Next, write the number one next to all of the items you wrote that you feel are essential to your happiness, and a two next to the items that would be nice, but not necessary.

Ranking Your Relationship Expectations

Take all of the items marked with the number one, and list them in your own order of importance on a seperate sheet of paper. If this is hard (and for most people it is!) write each item on a small seperate sticky note. Then, place each item in order of most important to least important on a wall or other large surface, and move the sticky notes around until you feel you've found the right combination.

Look at your top five items. These are the expectations you have for a quality relationship that you should never compromise on. Therefore, if you meet someone who you are extremely attracted to, but doesn't have all five of the items you've listed on your must-have list - it's time to move on.

Evolution is Necessary When it Comes to Relationship Expectations

Finally, realize that your relationship expectations will change and evolve over time. Don't be scared to review your list and go through this exercise after every breakup as a part of your preparations to date again, or anytime you feel your relationship needs have changed.

Woman's Body Language And Intentions Hidden In Body Moves

I met a woman recently; we hadn't done much talking but she asked for my details. So I'm just happy to bask in the knowledge that she was attracted.

I'm glad that I had little flirtation from it. It's sometimes hard to decipher body language. The back rubbing just seemed more intimate gesture to me than anything else.

Reading signs of attraction - how to decipher her legs position?
Let's say you're sitting at a square table. If a woman is not facing you directly or turning her chair to face you, that's a sign she isn't interested.

If she crosses her legs away from you, it's also a sign that she is not interested. Look at her foot. If she is pointing at you with her legs crossed, it is a sign of attraction.

Understanding body language - what if a woman is touching you?

If the foot is pointing to the other side the room, she is not attracted to you.

If you notice that she is touching you a lot, like helping you out the door or putting her hand on your back to assist you out the door, you know that she's paying attention to your presence which is a good sign. She likes what she sees and are trying to take it all in.

When a woman touches the man's shoulder it's a gesture of body contact

Bottom line: When you think about the intentions of her moves, rubbing her body etc, it's just an excuse to touch you because she's attracted to you. When a woman touches the hem of a man's shirt while laughing, it's a sign of attraction.

If a woman looks at just your eyes, she is not romantically or sexually attracted to you, but if she is looking at your mouth and your eyes and your hair, she is trying to really scan you and form a good solid picture of you.

The Difference Between Relationship And Friendship

What is the difference between a close friendship and a close relation? Most of us believe that when friendship becomes stronger, it may turn into relationship. The truth is different. Think about the kind of talk you have with your friends. You are always very open about your failures and shortcomings. You are not shy of talking about your problem and asking friends to help. In a close friendship, you expect to know everything about each other.

How about a relationship? Think about animals. They also show their best side to their mate. We human beings keep lot of secrets away from our partner. We do not want to tell about our failures and shortcomings. We also try to impress our partner when we are in romance. This difference between friendship and relationship is very deep. We calculate our moves in a relationship but are very open in a friendship. We are like a child in friendships but behave like an adult in relationships.

If you remain inside your boundaries in a relationship and not try to change it into a close friendship, you will have longer relationships. Telling all does not help in relationships.

The Real-life Consequences Of Online Dating

How does the digital dating world affect your everyday life?

Maybe they don't have this problem in places like New York and L.A., but mine is a small city by many standards, and it seems like every single person here is dabbling in online dating. On the surface, this is great -- it ostensibly ups your chances for love if there are tons of people to choose from. But you also have to keep in mind that everyone means everyone.

So far, I've personally run across several the profiles of several dudes from middle school, a guy who works at my favorite happy hour haunt, a very close friend and one of my doctors. It seems like no big deal -- and maybe it doesn't have to be. But you have to keep in mind that stumbling across what is essentially a personals ad for someone you usually see in a completely different light can be jarring. It can make things awkward when you two meet again in person. And it can bring up issues you never thought about before.

Your single boss could stumble upon your profile and find out you actually hate your job -- and him. You might hit on your son's teacher, jeopardizing your relationship with someone you need to be able to count on. You could run into someone you recently rejected while you're sauntering down the street and have to figure out whether to ignore him or say hi. Do you really want to see your ex's profile? How about your roommate's and your best friend's?

In the age of Twitter, Facebook and myriad other social networking sites, we're starting to learn that the question of who has access to your info - - and even who is knows that you use certain digital tools -- can really matter. If anything, it's yet another reason to be cautious about what we send out over the Web, and maybe even another chance to reexamine how it's affecting our real lives.